So, you've got your tent, backpack, an armful of food, a flame of some description and you’ve hauled arse to the trees. All your worldly possessions are on your back but then you find - as the heavens open and it starts pissin' down - they're not enough.

A few things to note, if you will:

If your tent is leaking and your backpack has a waterproof cover, the two can be married to waterproof your sleeping quarters. My tent's leak was at the apex of my dome tent (does that exist?). I got my backpack's waterproof cover, attached it to the outer frame of the tent with the extra tent ropes I seemed to have, stuck a stick in the centre to act as a frame and secured it all nicely with aforementioned ropes. Ne'er was a leak seen thereafter.

Another key factor to ensure you actually sleep during the night is to put something - anything - between your body and the ground. Many fancy terms exist for such contraptions, namely, 'bed roll' or 'mattress', but that's just extravagance. Grab a map, wad of travel brochures, flattened out beer carton or sarong and place under your sleeping bag. If you set up before the rain, do so on a grassy patch or on leaves or long grass you've gathered together. Divine.

Pillows are for pussies. Grab your shoes and put them on the ground, side to side, heel to toe. Place your weary head in the comfortable curve thus created and sleep surprisingly soundly. Adjust the strength of your shoe stench by simply wrapping your shoes in something smell-proof - a jumper, sarong…whatever.

Now to the final luxury: fire. When it's raining, the obvious hurdle to lighting a fire is the unavoidable wetness of rain, especially when said fire is being squeezed from a tiny lighter by your cold, shrivelled thumb. Three words: portable gas burner. Basically, a small canister of gas with a hot-plate-cum-flame-dispenser that can set fire to anything! A branch of dry leaves is ideal to start things up - then set that mother on fire with your gas burner! She'll blaze in any storm and if you've enough wood the fire will last long into your wet, wet night. Ahhh, the great outdoors!